with my story .... it is really cathartic for me.... as I realize that my story is so sedate and plain compared to the stories of some ........ xoxooxoxoxo c xoxoxoxoooo

Rose and Ed moved to the suburbs in 1980. It was tough, at first;
giving up the city lifestyle they had known their entire lives.
They wasted no time, however, in establishing a new way of suburban
life in this beautiful community. Rose joined the Newcomers club,
the Ladies Auxiliary of the American Legion, and the Rosary Society
of the Catholic Church. A lifelong member, Ed joined the local
branches of the Knights of Columbus and the American Legion. An
attorney, he commuted daily to his job in the city where he was the
chief of the legal department of the State Court. After his
retirement in 1990 Rose and Ed, along with her brother, Lou, became
inseparable. The three of them were always seen together, whether
for a shopping jaunt down Main Street, the many events and
festivities of the American Legion, and most particularly as
parishioners of their church. Saturdays at 5 p.m. would find them in
their established seats in the fourth pew. There they greeted their
many friends and neighbors. Rose was always a stand out in her
meticulously chosen outfits, always with a matching hat. Rose took
particular joy in tending to her flower garden on the corner of
their property. Neighbors looked forward to her seasonal displays.
Rose passed away on Nov. 2, 2006. Upon returning from her funeral,
that Monday afternoon, her granddaughter called everyone outside to
look at Grandma's garden. There, in the middle of the dead and dying
fall plantings was the most beautiful and perfectly formed yellow
rose, not a rose bush, but one single stem. Roses had never been
planted in that location. Everyone present took it as a sign that
she was in a happy place. Wednesday morning, Nov. 8, a heavy
rainfall took all signs of the beautiful petals away. Eddie, her
husband of 56 years, passed away that same morning. This was not the
end of their love story but the beginning of their eternal lives
together

I never really write here about my divorce .. but lately something is pushing me too. I do not believe that this is something coming from within me - but something outside of me. I have been feeling there is a need for others to see that everyone has some pain in their lives and they work through it and that they should never be afraid to ask for help..

This is undoubtedly the hardest part of the year for me .. My family is small and scattered, mostly about florida and since my Mom's generation we have lost so many and her's was the last generation that actually celebrated with other family members.. although I do have one strong memory of going into Maspeth to Aunt Tillies and throwing up in my easter bonnet LOLOL...

When I got married I was so blessed to marry into this large and happy and warm and loving family. There were many Aunts and Uncles and many more cousins and the holidays were never spent alone with just me and my husnband and family ..although sometimes I yearned for the calm.. I have always been an empath so I have always been tired lol.  My ex and I worked hard for everything we had. I never felt that 'I had lucked out' by marrying him LOL the contrary I always felt it was a partnership and we worked at it together .. When he got his office my dad and his dad and the family pitched in and wallpapered and moved walls and put new walls up and layed down floors and moved in used furniture etc..  The business became very very successful. We were very comfortable.. I would not say totally rich .. but comfortable .

We did it all correctly, we got the first house- paid all our bills - saved money - had a baby and for some reason I could not have more .. I was happy - he was not.. life went on. We bought a big beautiful home in a very schmancy neighborhood - but in an old fashioned way .. none of the houses looked the same , they all looked like nicely planned homes .. it was at that time a nice place to live.  We had to all outside appearances a wonderful life.  My ex became consumed with work and then started a second business and I did everything else and I mean everything else. I did it because I felt it was my 'job' to do it. I was tired a lot LOL ..and I also got sick Alot .. had several surgeries through the years. I always did the best I could . Through the illnesses gave my daughter a huge birthday party every year - and  enertained every saturday night .. Sunday was my day of rest and that included going out to dinner with my ex and my daughter - sometimes visiting my mom and then later on running an in home business and a presentation every sunday night .. which meant putting the products all over my dining room counter and displaying them .. getting snacks ready - making sure the house was clean etc..doing presentations that when people signed in ... at meetings my Ex DR .. would get all the credit .. When my daughter became sick and my eyes finally opened - I quit that deal .. for good.. I stopped getting sick and had to take care of my daughter

I started taking alternative healing classes and learning that there are so many other avenues to good health, other than laying at and kissing the feet of medical doctors.. I instead had to kiss my own feet and learn to love myself, which meant standing up for myself and putting my foot down .. which was the beginning of the end ..............

Sunday went from being the day of rest to a whole day of arguing with my ex in private on the front porch so my daughter could not hear it .. I never started the arguments it was always my ex.... I was no longer on his team .. I spent too much money ( hardly lol )  I didn't want to do the things he wanted to do ... blah blah blah .... all the while I had accepted WHO I was and was happy in that realization and I stood in my strength and power .. with everyone in my life .. I began to talk back .. I began to have an opinion .. I began to laugh louder and more often.. I began to be who I really am... I began to stop watching television and instead read books by the fireplace and learned to sit in silence and be happy in it ... I learned that there was no way I was going to wait hand and foot on anyone.

Two days before my 42 birthday, My ex told me in about 30 minutes, that he was leaving me - that he still loved me but he was leaving, I was stunned - but I said..Okay ... He said are you willing to go to marriage counseling .. and we had already done that - with him leaving because he no longer needed it - I was the one who needed all the counseling ( LOL ) I told him this time - No I am not because I am not going to be doing any more changing to make anyone happy anymore... So he said okay .. I am leaving ..

He had planned it all - he had hidden his money - he had already consulter lawyers - he had already consulter clergy - he had already told his mother because he moved back home to mommy  - within a week he came to take his clothes .. and I had to watch his daughter stand in his closet and cry for hours. Life as we both knew it was totally changed and over and transmuting into something completely different ...

It was awful .... as Pat Benatar says - Hell is for Children ....very very sad......this is totally getting to me ..so I have to stop ..... for now .... because I am feeling this is a story that needs to be told........

xoxoxoxxoxoxo C xooxoxxoxoxoxoo

The Owner of Sines, Quakertown,I believe he is the Grandson of the original owner although he may be the son. He is a witty and pleasant sort of fellow. His son tends the lunch counter .

  For those who sometimes read my musings and for those who are just stopping by. A few blogs back I wrote about a charming old five and dime I found in Quakertown, PA. Now for someone from Long Island, this is quite an exciting find because where I live now .. all of these mom and pop and family stores are mostly gone. I do not know of any other than a few hardware stores.

When I was growing up in East Islip, we had a place called Janels, it was I believe a family owned store. We had a strange Main street, there was a nice historic part where the town started out as. Later on more modern strip stores and grocery stores went in and our Main street became long and somewhat sporadic. But Janels was the place to get anything you might need, it was a five and dime, but you could get nice little Christmas presents there. It was a one stop place for household items and it had candy a childhood staple.

In seventh grade my junior high had so many enrollees that we had to go on split session and there were no buses, I lived too close ( as the crow flies ) My grandmother used to walk with me every morning to school, amazing dedication !! One of our almost daily stops was Janels. Grandma loved that store, she was also accustomed to walking the two miles from our house where it was ! It was a wonderful ritual that I loved so much. I love my Grandma and miss her like crazy and I cherish that year I got to walk with her to school. There was a candy store closer to school that I always heard the kids talking about called Randys' but Janels held my fascination. No chance of shoplifting either one of the owners would follow you around the store LOL !! My mother once led him on a while goose chase, she walked, merchandise in had around the entire store a few times before putting it back and walking out with nothing ( you can see where my firewalking personality comes from )

I grew up moved away for a few years and by the time I moved back, Janels had downsized to a smaller store. I felt my Grandmother rolling in her grave with dissapointment. Iwish I had pictures of the place to share with you. It was not at all a charming store, built in a modern type strip of stores, it was not old fashioned. I would say it looked late 60's looking. Janels was there long after Grants and Kresge's had closed in Bay Shore ( the South Shore Mall was built on sunrise highway, it all but killed Main Street stores, very sad death knell to mom and pop businesses )  Janels was memories and home and my childhood. It represented another time and another town and place. If I could be granted any wish at all it would be to have a time machine to go back and revisit all my favorite haunts, Janels would most certainly be in my top ten !

SO back to Quakertown. I took my daughter and her fiance along with Mike down to see the store and then hit the flea market ( the likes of which we also do not have anymore on the island)  Well Jen and John have a big love for all things used and old. John grew up on antiques, My mom collects things, so does Jen and we all are Garbologists from way back LOL . The kids loved it right off the bat. Jen got cookie cutters, as did I . I got some nice little paper 'Putz' houses I had been thinking about since the last time I was there. I took more pictures and we ate ice cream.

The owner's son told me that when the townspeople heard that the store was closing, they came out and began shopping there again. ( seems that there is a shiny new mall near Quakertown now along with a Walmart )  He said as long as the town comes to shop, they can stay open.

I don't mind telling you I prayer for this to happen so it was Saturdays Miracle and testament in my faith Talking to the owners son we told him how there are no stores left where we live like Sines and we have Walmarts and Targets as the big shopping stores. He told us that Target is building a store near the town, but the site they chose has a lot of rock underneath and they have been dynamiting it out for months. He said they were supposed to be open for this Christmas .. and they are not .Oh Well that means more people can shop at Sines, they do have everything you need. The store is like my personal time machine. I look around at the displays of collectibles that they have everywhere in the store. I love what I see, it brings back childhood and simpler happier times. As a child my biggest stress was how can I finagle a candy bar and where will I ride my bike today. Boy are those days gone... but ... I can visit Sines and places like it for as long as they exist and pretend I got there in a time machine

xoxoxoxoo C xoxoxoxoxo

this is me pawwing at the little 'Putz' houses .. remember them ..made of cardboard with fake formica snow on top -you can hang them on the tree or put them under the tree.. since I have cats I will be putting mine on a shelf

We entered the drawing for this Huge chocolate Santa - what we would do with all that chocolate I don't even want to think about !!

this is one of the many displays of old merchandise they have all around the store .. it is sort of a museum of retail

another display of Tootsie Toys - as the story I read online goes the Tootsie Toy creator named Samuel Dowst, attended  the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition in Chicago. It was at the fair that he learned of a new process to mass produce die cast objects, from learning this he was inspired to make a line of toys that were made of a soft mixture of tin and lead. . By the early 1900s, he introduced the first Tootsie Toy car, named after his daughter.

Because these toys are made out of lead and tin, they are soft so they damage easily, but are still worth much money and you can expect to pay $50 for a toy in good shape ! Genuine Tootsie Toys carry a stamp on the bottom that says Tootsy Toy.

I can honestly say, If I ever had a Tootsie Toy I don't remember it, I grew up with Matchbox cars that were more rugged and durable, we beat the crap out of them !

When was the last time you saw These prices .. or have you Ever ???

An old Eddie Cantor game board .. do you know who Eddie Cantor is ??

I vaguely remember having one of these when I was very young, at least the shovel and the strainer

ths kids sitting at the childrens counter

The Secret Film (TV Documentary) As Seen On Larry King Live :: NBC EXTRA :: DrewPictures.net OWN IT

There is a great independant movie out there called  The Secret. It is a good movie with a good message ..

The 'New Age' movement as it was shown to us ..as has been said many times ... is fading away. The Empaths, Healers, Intuitives, Indigos, etc, have begun to awaken and arrive at amazing speed. The Universe in all its Wisdom realizes that there needs to be significant change in order for us to progress as a Planet and as a species. We are this wondrous experiment and it cannot fail. The Universe or God or All That Is -  has heeded our call for knowing and knowledge.

Mother Earth on the other hand will not fail either, that is why she does what she needs to do.

Through the years of New Age quackery and Channeled information from so called experts in their fields, who channeled beings from near and far, many times with no discretion, came much despair.

We were foretold of disruptive Earth changes, horrible times coming in order to usher in the 'New Age' We read books that foretold of these changes and how awful they would be, we read of flooding and mayhem and bombs and destruction . So much doom and gloom that was deemed 'necessary' in order to move from one way of life to the next.

The turn of the century came and went, and the computers did not shut down and life as we know it didn't change as dramatically as some experts believed, The people who benefited most were the people who sold untold quantities of survival gear to everyone who lived in fear of the unknown.

Yes we have had floods and tsunamis and the oceans are rising and the temperature is rising and there is more pollution etc and so on. We have had man made wars and intelligence wars and propaganda and false elections. We have terrorists and religious wars and fear spread all around.

Yet the changes have not been as catastrophic as some predicted, the doomsday has not happened, no spaceships have come to save our sorry behinds.

Why?

Along the way, People began to wake up - to their True Nature. They began to learn to just enjoy life. People went 'off the grid' People began to Homestead. People began Meditation circles and in those circles - Knowing that as Mike Dooley says - Thoughts Become Things - they began to envision changes that would be less explosive and dramatic for all of us. People began to realize that we DO Indeed Co Create Our Reality good or bad. Those who walked with the Christ Light - One by One began to remember who they are and Pass the torch of Light and Inner Wisdom. They began to study and they began to learn how to heal themselves and then others around them. They began to trust their instincts.

We create our reality with each movement, thought, whisper, and prayer. We have most obviously toned down whatever horrific events were foretold to occur, if they were ever meant to occur at all ! Now more than ever the Good needs to outweigh the Bad. The Positive more than the Negative.

Now many children coming in, many more than before, have these gifts and more and some have them stronger than some of us.

Then there are us Elders, who have realized that the old Channeled Information was Not Quite Correct .. Not at All .. we have been here from the beginning of time, and we stand here now to spread the light and teach the children. We are standing in our own Power. We are the Wayshowers, the Pioneers of Creating Reality and The Teachers.

We have been here through the times of the Ancient Civilizations, the times of Mu and Atlantis, Egypt, the Mayan and Incan civilizations,the times of Jesus, the times of Arthur and Avalon, the times of wonderful Renaissances in art, music and literature, revolutions and the creation of a free country.

Now comes about this wonderful movie - the Secret, which teaches us things that we already know deep inside, but has been brow beaten out of us. These are messages that ring true and strike a chord deep within our awareness. Watch this movie enough times and instill in yourself the ideals that it teaches and Life as we know it Will begin to change.

Is it any coincidence that this movie revealing that which we already felt in our awareness has come at this time.

We DO Create our Reality , by attracting like to like .. if we are happy - we attract happiness and happy people. If we are sorrowful, we attract sad people.If we are Needy, we attract Needy.. If we are laughing, we attract laughter as laughter IS contagious ! We become a healer and we attract those who wish to Heal. We become Teachers, we attract those who wish to be taught and become teachers. We DO Create our Reality, by putting our thoughts out there .. good or bad, planned or unplanned, intentional or unintentional.

Because the Universe provides for us .. we need to adopt that Attitude of Gratitude and be Thankful for each breath of life we take and every single thing in our life.

We need to bring Prayer back into our lives, no matter how or where you do it, no matter if you pray to an acorn laying on the ground .. something will hear you and provide.

It is that Simple

Now - there are never any coincidences...it is all brilliantly and thoughtfully planned by the Universal power or whatever you care to call it. This Universal power listens to our every thought, wish, and whisper. The best part that is taught by the movie is that you can far outweigh any negative feelings, thoughts, or actions, by smiling, laughing, loving life, loving all that is around you and in that beautiful space of Love and Passion - Asking for what you need . It is that Simple. We can Heal ourselves, We can Heal the World and We can Heal what Ails us ALL.

It is a wonderful gift to share this movie with everyone you know, if they choose to think or call it hogwash that is their choice - but at least - they can never say they were not given the opportunity And we all have our own learning curve.

I bought the DVD because I figure it may just be the best money I have spent on anything in a long long time..along side studying the Course in Miracles and listening to Mike Dooley and Wayne Dyer and most of all My Wonderful Teacher and Friend Lorraine

I would love to thank circumstances for bringing this movie into my awareness. The Secret is no longer a Secret. The Secret is OUT !! .. now watch the amazing changes that are beginning to happen around you.

xoxoxooo carolyn xoxoxooo

Well I got away for a mini few day vacation and its just been lovely and as usual I don't wanna go home LOL.. My sweetie is sleeping and I have a few minutes to type away ..with none of the pull of household chores to take my time !

We spent the day at the Quakertown flea market - it was cold so there was a lack of outside vendors which is really my thing, I love buying old treasures..new stuff leaves me cold. I also saw that this would be a place in the warm weather my parents would love !!! But it would have to be an overnight thing because 3 hours each way is a lot to ask of someone driving and of course getting on and off the island can be grueling at best !!

We came across a lovely old store on main street, it is an old fashioned five and dime on the main street. It is called Sines and it has been in business since 1917. Sad thing is it looks like it will barely make it through the holidays. Towns in their ultimate wisdom ( not ) allow anything and everything to come into their areas now .. and Quakertown is no exception . There is a huge Walmart, a Kmart and I heard a huge mall moved in a while back and that had to seal this charming stores fate.

The store is still run by the grandson of the founder. All around the store they have displayed old wares they used to sell and old toys. Hanging from the ceiling are hundreds of planes that are strung up that someone lovingly and carefully put together. There is a train that runs around the ceiling in the middle of the store . It has the old wooden displays and the ramps leading up and down - and the wondrous display of Christmas decorations. I am hoping they are open today because I would just love to get in there and take more pictures..

Walking around this store brought back so many memories of the Kresges and the Woolworths and the Grants stores that are all a part of my memory now . Everything changes, things progress.. but there is something magical about stores like these to me . This store was run by a family. A family who sacrficed nights before holidays and worked on their birthdays. This was a store that to a child who got maybe three things for Christmas, that child would go in and gaze at all those toys and use their imagination and see themselves playing with each one. When my parents and I would go to Kresges in Bay Shore I would run right to the toys section , half of an aisle, with things like pick up sticks, jacks, marbles, super bouncing balls, paper dolls, imitation barbie dolls, little plastic toy soldiers with plastic parachutes .. the ones you could drop on your brothers head when sleeping . My favorite thing to buy was the tiny little tube of magic bubble maker .. it came with a little plastic straw and it smelled awful. you made a little bubble and pinched the end shut. You would play with this bubble until it was flat, and then you would take the little straw and try to blow it back up.  

My other favorite thing to buy was silly putty, I loved that I could make a copy of a picture from the sunday paper funnies. This was back in the day of no copy machines, scanners, digital cameras etc. It was amazing to be able to do this. My other favorite thing to look at was the display with the little girl bracelet with the ring, the set had the matching birthstone. It looked so fancy and beautiful and in the display it sparkled and I always wondered how it would look on my chubby little wrist. I also used to always buy my mother the perfume with the beautiful spanish lady in black with the red fan

SO without further ado - also because sweetie is up yapping in my right ear about all the noise the maids are making LOLOL .. here are pictures and a trip down memory lane. When I was walking around, taking pictures, I was overwhelmed with this terrible sadness that brought tears to my eyes. This is a store that is almost gone, this is an ideal that has been tossed away like yesterdays news, this is a part of Americana that has gone the wayside of the wild wild west, silent movies, and Ozzie and Harriet ......so reminisce with me and walk down memory lane and right click the pictures and save them. Once in a while when you are feeling homesick for what used to be, take a look at them and have a good cry for things gone by .. I know I will.. because I am such a sentimental old fool !            xoxooxoxoxoxoo c xoxooxoxoxoxo

 LOL Well it took me forever to figure out how to get that damn acoustic spot off here and put something really beautiful in its place .. I am happy with the results !

I finally got my office set up hooray - now maybe I will be much more efficient ( cough cough ) seriously I am one of those people who simply cannot think straight without having order around me - Now I need a door to shut when I need peace.

Been looking for work - thank God I have a bit of time - there is much shit out there .. low pay crappola LOL ..but I know I will find something - what kills me - is people look for a college degree - which sadly I do not have - but then even if you have it they will only pay you 10 an hour anyhow .. which is insane to live on in NY .. so I will have to do what I have to do .. and work and work on two side things -my photography and my healing ..thank goodness I have learned and am talented at many different things .. its too bad I live here and not in a state where you can be a teacher of some of them without the 'degree' .. There is also so much I need to accomplish - I feel like a house on fire and with that slogging in mud uphill feeling dammit .. LOL

I have been having a flare up of the Epstein Barr the last few weeks and the diabetes just adds a twist to that joy .. I am not one to whine - but boy some days I simply feel like poop on a stick .. the diabetes is so borderline I wish I could just take of 40 pounds and go off the medication - because some days I go low and its just awful .. such an awful feeling - then when I get my level back up I am wasted for a while.. crappola disease - My poor daughter I do not know how she does it - I have SO much understanding for her plight now.. I wish they would find a cure for her type 1 at least - poor kid ..

enough whining . I had a birthday - one year closer to the half century mark LOL .. amazing because I still feel for the most part like a kid .. when did I get so much older - !.... I have been taking pictures - got some new software to make video clips of them .. so I can upload to youtube .. got a new computer with more space because I simply have maxed out this one - and until I can sit and copy to CD's all my pics and go through them and get rid of the extras .. I will work like this .. I do have them all backed up on a portable hard drive which is a great investment - I am glad I went for it

My moms breathing is not so good again and she was here weds .. and she looked - for the first time ever in her life - frail .. very unusual for her .. so I want to spend more time with her and my dad - I put a bed in my little guest room ( which actually is my photography room also .. its the everything room LOL ) .. so she or my dad have a place to stay .. I will put my postage stamp TV in there for her to watch also when she stays we can have girly nights - my mom needs it ..

We got a puppy .. was not planning on it - but my daughter fell in love and hes a cutie - a little brown dacshund .. I named him Larry LOL right now he is curled up by my feet sleeping with his head resting on his inchworm toy ..he is very very sweet and cute .. the old gals - they are annoyed by him because he wants to play - the old one Sparkles - she just snaps at him .. shes old and achey and grumpy - her and Sissie were very used to sleeping alot and now this little boy wakes them up LOLOL .. he plays with the kitten ( we found an abandoned orange kitten in the woods on the backroad by my house ..) and they race through the house .. I often say that the inmates are running the asylum...

So today I am going out to buy warm pajamas and a nice cozy  office chair - right now I am sitting on a folding one thats is going to give me a hemmoroid .. I need a good chair - thats todays agenda .. then picking out paint for the den ceiling .. and organizing the guest room .. I have to figure out how to hang my vintage hat collection up ..

it never ends when you move to a new home - I PRAY we can stay here - I don't want to go through this again...

Mike has been grumpy I think the kids get to him -but oh well get over it - we don't have much privacy most of the time - but thats the way it is when you have kids .. they are just starting their lives .. and they need to save money - they will be here for a while .. Mike is also 40 this year .. My mom says hes having his midlife crisis .. LOL well the last time that happened - my ex left me for my secretary .. but I don't see that happening .. Mike doesn't have one it is all fine - learning and growing etc .. its all in perfect order

And I am singing again - and singing well if I don't say so myself .. trying for the Heart tribute band - but looking for a keys player - they are hard to find .. so we shall see how it turns out - but this is a really good band so far i am very happy ...

so thats it in a nutshell - my dull repetitive life.. LOL.. But I have such peace in my heart - and am very happy - even if people don't see it - I know what I have - and I have so much .. and soon will also have a job LOL

love and hugs to everyone xooxoo c xoxoxoxo

here is a little piece of my personal Avalon - its Reeves park last spring .. it is so peaceful and beautiful .. GOD how I love living here - hope I never ever have to leave .. enjoy xooxooxooxo

.. with as I always put it - the little craps of life - .. LOL ..but I am having a good time . I have been looking for work, looking in a few different areas, I don't have a college education.. some people see that as something thats not good. I see it as everything I have learned I have learned on my own. I am proud of all I have learned Since I left school .. LOL School never really worked for me. I have a very curious and fast mind, I need to be kept interested or I get bored and thats it. I am the same with work. I am not one for sitting at a desk all day and going stir crazy. I am not sure I want to stay in the medical office field. I may simply take a 'mindless' job - less pay but less to worry about also when I walk out the door - because I am singing again, looking to perform weddings and baptisms and such ( I am a Minister ) I am also working on my photography and healing work ... I make jewelry .. I have many things I am able to do.

My biggest need is to get myself organized so I can be more effecient around the house .. LOL yes Laugh at me - go ahead LOL .. its okay .. but I am doing my best !!!

I also wanted to say that tommorow tuesday 10-17 is an important day energy wise on our planet - without going into alot of metaphysical mumbo jumbo .. lets just say - smiling all day and laughing and sharing love - is the BEST thing you can do on any day - but especially on tuesday 10-17 !!! .. The more light the planet has - the more people who 'get it' and care and are kind and loving most everyone around them .. the higher the vibration of the planet ..

the simple action of being very positive and being loving and kind .. as much as you can ( yes there are times when its impossible ) that simple act can help the planet so much. We are ALL energy.. the more energy that is good and happy and postive we share the better we ALL are ...

that being said - I have more blogging and blabbing to do elsewhere LOL .. sending love to ALL

xoxoxoxo c xooxoxoo

 I am really not a television watcher, but the mere fact that I went to Pennsylvania to explore my own Amish roots, I need to write how truly saddened and heartbroken I am the past few days over those innocent girls being killed in a place where everyone in the world thought people were so very safe. I have been watching, something totally out of character for me. But I feel the need to watch and cry and mourn.

I suppose in a way it was time for yet another rude awakening, there is so much dysfunction in our country in so many ways.There are so many crazy, demeneted, insane, and evil people who are allowed to walk the streets with access to Guns. Tell me how does someone who has a history of mental illness get a gun. Is it that easy, and how the hell naive am I. It is so sad to watch people who have such a love of God and their family and the earth they have worked for well over a hundred years now, suffer the way they are. No one ever deserves tragedy... least of all these people. I know tragedies always happen to nice people, but it is unthinkable that it could happen to these people.

Watching the filmed funeral procession was almost surreal. Watching the horse drawn buggies traveling down the paved street knowing they have become the spectacle they never wished to be, is very hard to watch. I cannot imagine how it must be for them or their children to have been thrust so quickly into the world the rest of us know and have adjusted to.

How forgiving and beautiful are those who lost their daughters to the family of the  man who killed them so violently, to invite the wife and children he left behind to their daughter's funeral. I honor their forgiveness, I am not so sure I could be so loving and kind, I suppose I have much to learn yet this lifetime. I forgive myself today.. for being so unforgiving to those who kill others for their own crazed and selfish reasons, I have no patience for such self absorbed miserable insane people.

Today my prayers are for the families who lost their innocent little girls. I hope the world prays with me that they rest in the love and peace of their maker. I pray for assurance that those families will see their beloved girls again, and that they heal each other in this a time of tragedy, sadness, and their introduction to the insanity the rest of us endure on a daily basis. I pray they teach us all with their strength and courage in facing a new chapter in their own existence as they have been thrust into the painful realities we understand only too well.  

I have been so busy with everything in life .. I have so many projects on my agenda LOL .. But I did finally get to do something I have wanted to do for years. Last week I took my mom to Pennsylvania and we traveled the Water Gap along the Delware river and through Mt Bethel in Northampton County where her great grandparents lived and are buried at the churchyard near Centreville.

First I need to say it was such beautiful countryside and our breath was litterally taken away by the beauty of it all. I have been to PA many times during winter to ski way back when and while I saw the beauty - I had never seen the River and water gap area. It is amazing. The little towns are beautiful and quaint and the people are so friendly. It is a place I could get used to living in Really fast ! .. We stayed in Stroudsberg and we had a decent room and we were within miles of where we needed to look. I had done alot of digging online at Ancestry.com .. to find information before we left - so I had the graveyard name - it was just a matter of finding it - it took us to the second day to find it - and it was so cool. My mom had never met her great grandparents they passed before 1918. All my mom knew was that they were Amish .. and that her grandfather had that farm in Medford, the one I have written about and he wore the white shirt and black suspenders pants and hat.  Her father had said - Oh hes English - but my research showed me that I feel - my  great grandfather,Jabez was Amish, or he married into the Amish or the Mennonites. He married Hettie Reimer. Reimer according to what I have found could be a Mennonite name. SO I feel they were indeed - Amish or one of that type of religion and way of life.

We found where they are buried, and it is a beautiful peaceful spot. The churchyard is old and they have numbered and marked the stones so that people can easily find their ancestor. It was kept very clean and felt safe to wander through. My mom was very emotional, it took us years to find her connections and I feel we really accomplished something with going on this trip and it ended some searching for her.  Sometimes to know Who you are ... you need to See Where you came From .. and we did . It was a wonderful trip. I cannot wait to go again soon. Everyday I pray to have a career where I may have the freedom to travel as I please and record it all.. I pray I have that chance ..

Here are some pictures from our trip .. enjoy !!! xoxooxoxxo c xoxoxxoxoxo

I would upload more pictures but this new way to upload them to my blog just takes forever ! LOL .. I was simply a beautiful place and I cannot wait to go back xooxoxoxoxoxo